Am I fat or just strategically misled?

Here I am, 9:14 sitting in my messy, no I take that back, DISGUSTING apartment looking around being like...ew. I really need to clean. Wish I had the energy. I roll my eyes at myself and think back to what I've eaten today. Did really well eating and then bang. Got home and too much Joey and Melissa turned into way too much chocolate and carbolas. Gross. There are just some days when I feel like I've not only fallen off the wagon, but I'm dragging behind. Oh and that magazine that's staring at me from under two inches of moving dust is like “Hey, come pick me up. I'll make you wanna go bulimic.” I roll my eyes again and for the umpteenth time today wish with all my heart that I'd been raised to appreciate my body. I wish that I didn't cringe when I saw a number add to that stupid, hard water covered scale below my sink. I wish that counting calories didn't seem like a cuddly cactus and wish with all my might that getting myself to exercise was better than jabbing bamboo shoots up my finger nails. I can honestly say with every fiber of my being that I am terrified of what my little girl is going to think of herself because she sees the way I see myself. I hate the way I hate the way I look. Ugh! (Caution, I'm being an immature writer descriptively emphasizing every groan in any way possible.) Why is it that we're expected to look like models, wear size negative 4 jeans and wear makeup that “emphasizes” the beauty that's already there?? Why can't the world just appreciate the way we look and stop trying to change everyone into a nonsensical piece of promiscuous advertising??? Alright, I've calmed down a little. Emphasis on the LITTLE. I hope others out there who read this realize that they are beautiful! No matter what size they are! Don't listen to the voices in your head when you see another stretch mark coming in or realize that cellulite really isn't a myth. Ladies, it happens and I'm sorry it does. I know it's a lot easier to say than to put to action, but don't bring yourself down because of the image of you that you've put in your head. In fact, here's an exercise for you: go get a mirror. You got one? Now look at yourself. See all the imperfections, maybe the black heads or a mole you've hated since you were little. I bet you see the lines that are coming in and maybe you shuddered a bit when you realized how much you really do look like your mother (don't worry mom, I don't shudder ;D I love looking more like you every day..ha ha. I wish I looked like you right now.) Now close your eyes. Think of every lesson you've ever learned in Young Women's. Think of all the times in Relief Society or Church when you've been told you're a daughter of God. Think of the things you love about your body, all the things that it does for you. Think of how your Father in Heaven sees you and open your eyes. Do you see the difference? Heavenly Father doesn't see or imperfections and flaws. He sees the laugh lines in our face and is glad we were happy. He sees the scars and freckles that dance across our skin and knows He gave us experiences to grow. He looks at our frowns and hurts inside because He never intended us to look perfectly worldy. He intended us to look perfectly Heavenly. If just for a day, we would stop and notice how much like a Queen we are (because that's what and who we were created to be) we'd realize that yes, there were changes to make to better ourselves (mine being the additional cushion that I've decided will help break a fall) but we are beautiful and unmistakably awesome. Rock your body. Love your body. Love you. Love your Father in Heaven for making you who you are exactly the way He made you. Now while I'm re-reading this article four billion times to stamp it into my brain, I hope you do the same. Oh and next little exercise, tell someone she's beautiful. Be sincere and honestly compliment someone. Maybe she'll think you're talking only about her looks, but you'll know better.